A Letter To The Reserve Bank Governor

Posted: August 25, 2011 in Politics

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Dear Mr Glenn Stevens,

I hope you are well, and the disasters that have occurred in your industry since the last time a conservative government was in power in the United States haven’t caused you too much stress.

I am writing to you, as I know you have a big decision coming up on the 6th September, that decision is of course the interest rates.

I do not want to put undue pressure on you, but people are relying on you to help ease their burdens at the moment. I don’t know what it is about conservative politicians and economies, but we have been listening to our economy being talked down on a daily basis, despite your hard work, and the Governments good fiscal policy.

I am sure that you have heard that the real estate industry is in a slump and needs a boost. I am also sure that you have seen that the retail industry is in the toilet, and is in need of resuscitation. Our exports, aside from coal and iron ore, have slowed to a trickle, and desperately need the dollar to come down a bit. All of these things could be achieved with an interest rate drop.

However, there is another reason that you may not have considered. I am hoping that by appealing to your ego we may just achieve the desired result.

You may, or may not be aware of your sex appeal Glenn. I don’t see it myself, no offense, but I am certainly aware that others see it. I can tell this quite easily, as I will explain.

Glenn, you are a man who tends to keep to himself, a man of intrigue and mystery even. Those in elite circles have the opportunity to meet you and hear you speak at extremely expensive lunch functions, but alas, most of us mere mortals do not.

Nobody has actually informed me that they have a burning desire for you or anything Glenn, but I know it to be true. I know this because virtually everybody I know wants your autograph. Desperately even.  Seeing as you are such a hard man to get in front of, the only way for people to obtain your autograph is from a banknote, which has your signature on it.

People are so keen on having your signature that they want as many copies of it as they can possibly have, they are in fact collecting them. People have even been known to put them in safety deposit boxes, just to be safe, as they are a high theft item. Some have even been known to kill for them.

You may be able to see the dilemma now. People are struggling to hold onto your signature, and have been forced to trade it for food and other essentials. This is causing great dismay in communities all around Australia, as people always felt better knowing that they had their little piece of Glenn in their purses or wallets.

By lowering interest rates next month you will spread joy across the nation. More people will have more copies of your signature, and therefore be much happier to share them around. It will be a great reminder too, of why you are so loved and adored by the masses.

Thanks for your time Glenn, and I’m sure don’t need a convoy of a few trucks to show how totally confident I am that you will do the right thing.

It’s either that or you will have to start signing coins… God forbid…

Yours Sincerely


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