Father Of Mine…

Posted: August 15, 2011 in Politics

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Fathers Day is rapidly approaching, so I thought I’d do the right thing and make choosing a gift easier for you.

You don’t need to panic yet though, all is not lost. You have until the 4th September, which means if you are like me, you can order your gifts online now, and therefore not have to get off your ass at all.

I will start off by pointing out, that as a bloke, and I don’t care what Calvin Klein tries to tell you, real blokes couldn’t give a toss about their undies. Undies are designed to keep your bits warm and snug when being worn, and left in an untidy pile on the floor when not… Gift wrap and a card does not fit into the equation anywhere, not at all.

It goes without saying, that the same goes for socks. But there, I’ve said it anyway.

So, why not get him a book? That’s always a good start… I have a older blog under arts and entertainment where I list some of my favourite books, that may help you…

However, if you father happens to be a member of the Liberal Party, there are a few things to remember….

He probably already has a few bibles, so don’t go there…

Anything with words too big will be a problem, try and keep it simple…

Anything that has a title starting with “The Complete Idiots Guide To…” and you are on the right track…

If your father is a just a supporter of the Liberal Party, then bigger words are ok, but try and stick to fiction, as the facts are usually ignored or misunderstood by people like your dad.

If you father is a handyman, you can always go for a Power Tool. This is where the difference between the sexes starts to really show…For example, if a bloke get’s a power tool he is happy, however, if a bloke gives his wife an electrical appliance as a gift, he will end up wearing it….

Again, if your father is a member of the Liberal Party, don’t worry about purchasing him any tools, he has heaps lying around already. He just refers to them as colleagues.

Another sure winner in the gift department, is a DVD/Blue Ray, or VHS/Beta if your old man’s a Liberal.

Blokes like action, so anything with someone holding a gun on the cover is showing promise. War movies are especially good. Anything that is starring, or directed by Clint Eastwood is a no brainer. Try to steer clear of porn, it’s always best not to encourage him. However, if you must go there and your father is a Liberal, or Christian Democrat, any porn movie involving cling film and laxatives should make him smile.

Lastly, is the favourite of most men, Grog. Yes with a capital G.

I got lazy and got my old man the fortified wine pack via the link that will probably be at the bottom or top of this blog… 3 bottles, a Tawny Port, a Tokay, and a Muscat, win win win. They are damn good drops too. That, and a good book, my old man is set.

So with grog, Fortified Wine is good, Whiskey and Brandy, brilliant, Red Wine is good, but try to steer away from White Wine, unless you really know what you are doing.

Beer too should be avoided, as it looks a bit cheap as a gift. If you must buy beer though, make sure it’s something imported.

Once again though, if your father is a Liberal party member, the rules change. If you are going to buy him some grog, it is best to make sure it’s something that has the word “Fizz” in its name, or alternatively the word “Pop” is also a safe bet.

Beer is probably a total No No. As we saw during the Federal Election Campaign, the Shandyman, Tony Abbott, ordered a shandy made from Light Beer with 70% Lemonade. I don’t believe that they make a beer that weak anymore, not since Export Light went off the market.

Anyhow, I’ve done my bit to help with the pressie. All you need to do now is spend damn near $10 on a small piece of cardboard with a lame joke on it, and your mission is done…

Good Luck, and I hope your old man enjoys his day.

Winemakers Choice

  1. David Fawcett says:

    Sorry Wixxy, this is really beneath you mate.. 😦

  2. wixxy says:

    Sorry David, it’s not suuposed to be too serious.
    Back to being more serious next time…. I promise.
    Thanks for the feedback though, I appreciate it either way 🙂

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